Fun fact, this is currently my lockscreen. I need the reminder.
Before I begin, this is probably going to be my last post on this blog. I feel the need to start over fresh. I've loved the time I've spent here but it's time to move on. Also, this is quite a personal post. I actually wrote this originally as a diary entry and adapted it for the blog. It's difficult to share but I feel I have to.
Alright, onto the post:
The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results.
Without beating about the bush, I need to love myself. I keep thinking I do but then someone or something comes along and all the love I'm supposed to be giving to myself automatically gets reassigned to them.
I get obsessed with making others happy so I don't have to make myself happy. I convince myself that their happiness is my happiness and that just isn't the case.
I've tried everything to distract myself from learning to love myself. From narcotics to religion, but mostly men.
I've often wondered why things went wrong and I think it's because people can tell when they're being used as an emotional crutch, even if you don't realise you're doing it.
RuPaul says: "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?"
You may think you're being caring, sweet and loving, but are you? Or are you just deflecting everything you should be giving yourself?
It's easy to go overboard to try to "express yourself" but you'll just end up scaring the other person away, leaving you with a big, gaping "what's wrong with me?!" shaped hole.
It is not your new beau's place to fill you with all the love you crave, it's yours.
Self love is the most important kind of love.
It makes you strong, which in turn makes you attractive, but also gives you the sense to know you don't give two shits what is and isn't attractive.
It's so difficult to think highly of yourself when we're conditioned by society every day to believe we're not good enough.
We are good enough.
We are beautiful.
We are strong.
We don't need a text from that guy you're seeing to confirm you're worth a damn.
You got this shit.
Try to focus on your journey and treat everything else as extra. Wonderful and amazing, yes, but extra. An added bonus if you will.
So I'm going to go shopping and spend the evening reading inspirational quotes and watching inspiring YouTubers while listening to #GirlPower playlists on 8tracks.
And I'm absolutely not going to text the guy I like. Noooope. Not at all. Unless he texts me first I guess...
My new obsession is me.
Love and rainbows,